What It's Like Being Engaged to Your High School Sweetheart

July 9, 2020 is mine and Kenny's one-year engagement anniversary! I'll be honest, it's kind of insane how quickly it's coming and everything that's happened since.

I started full-time, moved around, the holidays, a GLOBAL PANDEMIC (???), a REVOLUTION (much needed and long in the making). We're living through an insane year that'll definitely be in the history books.

First off, I want to say to all 2020 brides that have had to postpone or reschedule: I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have to postpone such a momentous occasion. You're all beautiful and amazing, and I hope that your day will be amazing regardless of the circumstances. It's a rough year, but you've got this!

The purpose of this post is pretty much to share some of my unfiltered thoughts about what it's like being engaged to your high school sweetheart, especially only being 23. I'll be 100% honest and say I didn't know Kenny was 'the one' for a really long time. Seriously, we were only 17 and 18 years old when we started dating, and I'd never dated anyone before him! I never imagined being engaged at 23, getting married at 24, and all of that with my high school sweetheart.

For someone engaged to her one and only high school boyfriend, I'm still really cynical about high school relationships. A lot of the time, they don't last, you get your heart broken, you learn, you move on. College is a time you're supposed to have fun and explore--I met so many friends and experienced so many cool things that I would never trade for the world.

Before Kenny and I dated, I thought that I would go off to college, date a couple of people, find my future husband in later years, get engaged a couple of years out, and start my life, family, etc. When I was 18 and Kenny and I had been dating for a few months, I still didn't think I was going to marry him (he thought the same!) because I didn't want to think about marriage at 18. Instead, I wanted to set my sights on my career and goals for the long-term future. Yes, a family and all that was part of it, but my biggest priority was setting myself up for success (and it still is!). And I would encourage any young person to do this first.

Things really changed when Kenny left for bootcamp in November 2017. I didn't talk to him for 3 months, just letters. We were long distance my entire junior year of college and that's when I realized I didn't want to spend the rest of my life apart from him. Not hearing his voice for 3 months was so hard. Not getting to hug him and call him whenever I wanted sucked. Getting into any type of tense situation when you're long distance feels so much worse because you can only communicate so clearly via phone. I guess it's true--you really don't know what you've got till it's gone (ish, he wasn't gone gone).

He came back home July 2018 and my senior year in college was SO much fun! I started to talk about career goals and jobs, graduation and rings. We'd casually look at rings and I used to send him pictures of ones I liked. I thought it was all for fun and we'd get engaged in 2020, but I was quite wrong (obviously, you're reading this!). He proposed on July 9, 2019 in Boracay and we're working on our next steps in life together! Life is funny. I was 22, JUST graduated, and engaged. A surprising and welcomed plot twist to my plans.

I guess I should have a point in writing this beyond just writing, so I'll end with this...

Advice for Young Couples from a Young Couple

1-Finding your person should be easy, but maintaining a healthy and happy relationship is hard work.

I may have made the first move with Kenny, but the beginning stages of talking and having fun were just that! Was I nervous? Sure, but it was so easy to open up to him and talk to him. I didn't feel like I bothered him with my constant texting and I felt super comfortable being honest with him! And while all these things are true, he and I have been through some insane ups and downs. We needed to learn each others love languages. I had to learn how to truly apologize and self-reflect. He learned why I always push him and how to do that for himself (+ why). We still need to take time to communicate, do things with each other (right now it's tennis), and LISTEN. We grew and continue to grow TOGETHER. Life is hard. It ebbs and flows, and you might not always be on that same current. But you must support each other always.

2-It's okay to think practically!

I never let distance get in the way of my own aspirations. At 18, Seattle felt far enough away and I was sad I wouldn't be seeing Kenny every day like I had been for over a year. Transition periods of your life really test your relationship as you rethink goals, and my advice is to think about whether or not you want to continue that journey with your person. Do NOT let anyone stop you from achieving your goals. I didn't stop Kenny from enlisting and he always understood that school came first most of the time (e.g. finals, midterms, projects, homework). 

Even now, I've still got dreams of traveling and working in other cities or even abroad! I told him that, and he's been supportive of my dreams. Our dreams and goals ALIGN, which is why it works. I'll be blunt: if they don't align, it'll be hard to make it work without compromise. Are you willing to change your dreams for someone? I wasn't, but my fiance is incredibly supportive of mine. We're moving in a direction together, we're still our own persons with our own goals, but they align and we support each other.

3-Don't let society get in the way of the choices you make.

Most of my peers are single, have been in maybe one long-term relationship and a HS boyfriend, or might just be starting their first serious relationship. The ages people get married and have kids are getting later and later, and that's okay! I honestly didn't think I'd be engaged at 22 and thought I'd be too young. But when you know, you know. Part of me wondered if I'd get judged for being engaged so young, or people would think that Kenny and I were doomed. Sure, there'll be people out there thinking we're crazy for getting married so young (24+25). Many people my age (and older) might panic at the thought of getting married.

Well, I don't really care. Here's the thing: my decision to say yes was calculated. We'd BEEN looking at rings and we'd been talking about marriage for a whole year or so. I knew I was my own person and had an identity outside of him. He also had an identity outside of me!

I didn't think he had the ring yet, but he did. So what did we do? Instead of planning a wedding in one year, we decided to just have a long engagement. It'll be nearly 2 years of being engaged before we get married and I'm not at all mad. We'll get to save more, grow more, and take our time planning. There's no "right" way to do this, it all depends on you and your partner.

My warning: make sure you're ready. Have you two talked about marriage? Do you know each others' long-term goals? Do those goals align? Are you on the same page about kids? Career? Education? Politics? Parenting? Don't say yes because you feel like he/she/they're the one or something. Gut feeling is important yes, but you need to peel back that rosy curtain and think about the long-term impact of this partnership.

Whew, that was a lot of writing. Look, I'm no relationship expert, but I'd argue I'm in a relatively unique position (at least in the world we live in now!) and can give some solid advice to younger couples (especially if you're in high school or early college!). Of course, take everything I say with a grain of salt because I'm me and you're you. My fiance and I have our own relationship dynamic that's different than yours, and yours will be different than anyone else's in the whole world.

I hope I helped a little bit, but if you've got any questions, leave me a comment! Or, you can email me at coffeecreamcollege@gmail.com!