Fianceé in Bootcamp: Rosalinda's Story
Hello my dear readers! I wanted to create this post because this story is one that truly touched me. Rosalinda, thank you for letting me share your story and for all your honesty. This piece was so relatable and I admire your bravery throughout this journey. This one is for you!
Rosalinda:
Being on your own is a challenge no matter the circumstance. In a way, you are grieving because you are longing for something you cannot have. It can be agonizing at the least, and life changing at its best. When my fiancé and best friend of five years told me he was interested in joining the Marines, I instantly said yes. Not to say that I wasn't crying or sad that he would be gone, but hearing him talk about it I just knew it was what he wanted and meant to be. This was hard for us because we had done long distance before and after five years we were finally living together and so happy. But this was his shot to succeed and be a part of something bigger than himself so how could I say no? I was proud of him.
Of course, coming up to the day he left I had all these ideas of how my time away from him would be. I moved back in with my parents so that I could save money for our wedding while he was away and of course in my mind, these three months I was going to become the best version of myself. I was gonna work out, focus on my job as a teacher, plan our wedding. There would be no time to be sad over him being gone because I would be so busy working on myself too. Of course, my expectations were not close to what actually happened.
The first month I missed him like crazy but that was expected. I live in Colorado so I spent almost every weekend in the mountains by myself to pray and get perspective. My fiancé Charles and I have always felt closest to each other and God in nature so this was my way of feeling close to him. November was okay because I was so incredibly busy at work too. My students of course were a support and continuously wrote letters to Mr. Everson with me!
December was much different. As you know, teachers have winter break off too (much needed). What I didn't realize was that this time would end up really hurting me. I suffer from an anxiety disorder that can be uncomfortable at the best of times. I have worked tirelessly for years to get tools to help me but when I have multiple stressors, I can fall apart. Winter break I lived in my parents basement which is very dark, the weather was cold, my love hadn't written to me in a while, and worst of all I had way too much free time. As you know, free time is the death of a loved one in the military because all we do is think, think, think. Long story short, my anxiety got the best of me and I kind of broke down at the end of December.
Telling my fiancé about this was not an option. He had been working so hard and these three months were about him, not me. So in my difficult time, I put a smile on my face and continued to write him positive and motivating letters even though I was feeling defeated. I felt like I had failed on the goals I told him I wanted to do before he left. Well he must know me pretty well because I kept receiving letters from him that completely changed my perspective on our journey throughout this. He kept asking me if I was okay and if everything was alright. I think that he knew something was wrong because I wasn't talking to him about anything other than good things. Charles is my best friend so of course we help each other get through even the smallest things that pop up in our everyday lives. When all I did was write about the positive, he knew I was hiding things from him.
I sent a letter back saying nothing was wrong but just to pray for me and of course I received another one of him asking me if I was okay. I think he knew I wouldn't tell him until we were in person so he decided to take things into his own hands. He met with the preacher at the church in boot camp and asked him to put my name in the service for people to pray for. Of course my heart skipped a beat as I read this and through tears I started to have hope and take a second look at my journey these past few months.
Mistakes are how we learn. I preach this to my students every day. I look back at these three months and realize that I didn't fail, I just succeeded in another way. Were my expectations met? No. But there is learning in that as well. As we all know, the hardest times in our life bring in the most outstanding learning experiences that help us grow into more compassionate and intelligent people. Yes, this time was difficult but in it I learned so much about myself and the love that Charles and I have for one another. I became closer to God and my faith, I became more independent, strong, positive, grateful, hopeful, kind, and patient. I am proud of my sweetheart and I am proud of myself. This time apart was meant for us to reconnect with all of the good we already have and what is yet to come.
I am proud to say that this experience has made me love myself and my fiancé even more. There is no shame in feeling defeated, because time and time again it has been proven that that is where the magic happens. I have grown so much and cannot wait to see how much he has too. I am grateful to be a part of this family and know that it has made me into a better version of myself. Excited to see the love of my life and to officially call myself the heart of a Marine. I am grateful for this difficult time in my life as it has helped me get perspective on what truly matters and that every day is a gift.
Rosalinda:
Being on your own is a challenge no matter the circumstance. In a way, you are grieving because you are longing for something you cannot have. It can be agonizing at the least, and life changing at its best. When my fiancé and best friend of five years told me he was interested in joining the Marines, I instantly said yes. Not to say that I wasn't crying or sad that he would be gone, but hearing him talk about it I just knew it was what he wanted and meant to be. This was hard for us because we had done long distance before and after five years we were finally living together and so happy. But this was his shot to succeed and be a part of something bigger than himself so how could I say no? I was proud of him.
The first month I missed him like crazy but that was expected. I live in Colorado so I spent almost every weekend in the mountains by myself to pray and get perspective. My fiancé Charles and I have always felt closest to each other and God in nature so this was my way of feeling close to him. November was okay because I was so incredibly busy at work too. My students of course were a support and continuously wrote letters to Mr. Everson with me!
December was much different. As you know, teachers have winter break off too (much needed). What I didn't realize was that this time would end up really hurting me. I suffer from an anxiety disorder that can be uncomfortable at the best of times. I have worked tirelessly for years to get tools to help me but when I have multiple stressors, I can fall apart. Winter break I lived in my parents basement which is very dark, the weather was cold, my love hadn't written to me in a while, and worst of all I had way too much free time. As you know, free time is the death of a loved one in the military because all we do is think, think, think. Long story short, my anxiety got the best of me and I kind of broke down at the end of December.
I sent a letter back saying nothing was wrong but just to pray for me and of course I received another one of him asking me if I was okay. I think he knew I wouldn't tell him until we were in person so he decided to take things into his own hands. He met with the preacher at the church in boot camp and asked him to put my name in the service for people to pray for. Of course my heart skipped a beat as I read this and through tears I started to have hope and take a second look at my journey these past few months.
Mistakes are how we learn. I preach this to my students every day. I look back at these three months and realize that I didn't fail, I just succeeded in another way. Were my expectations met? No. But there is learning in that as well. As we all know, the hardest times in our life bring in the most outstanding learning experiences that help us grow into more compassionate and intelligent people. Yes, this time was difficult but in it I learned so much about myself and the love that Charles and I have for one another. I became closer to God and my faith, I became more independent, strong, positive, grateful, hopeful, kind, and patient. I am proud of my sweetheart and I am proud of myself. This time apart was meant for us to reconnect with all of the good we already have and what is yet to come.
I am proud to say that this experience has made me love myself and my fiancé even more. There is no shame in feeling defeated, because time and time again it has been proven that that is where the magic happens. I have grown so much and cannot wait to see how much he has too. I am grateful to be a part of this family and know that it has made me into a better version of myself. Excited to see the love of my life and to officially call myself the heart of a Marine. I am grateful for this difficult time in my life as it has helped me get perspective on what truly matters and that every day is a gift.
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